Parties - Reality vs Desire

Most guys parties start with the dream of topless female models kissing each other and drinking cocktails on top of a grand piano floating in a guitar shaped pool while other scantily clad women giggle and fawn over the few male guests there, flicking their hair to impress them, and discussing if they can hold out for three or foursome with host while they secretly toy with the idea of dragging him inside for a quick moment of what will later be describes as "unbridled passion".

So, why do so many of them end as four blokes sitting on a couch with a stubbie each in hand watching an old action DVD while eating twisties out of a bowl. Ok, the bowl. It's a sign the host went to a bit of an effort.

While I have Lin to thank for how well my last party went (it was much closer to the first description than the later), part of the reason behind the success and enjoyment of all involved could probably be attributed to a few simple things:

• Loads of free drinks
• Good music, not just my personal favourites
• Good food
• No TV
• Not at my house (I don't have a guitar shaped pool, or a grand piano)
• Time spent making a cool invite
• Time spent making the venue look like a party would be held there

I think the main reason parties fall short is the lack of money, and setting unrealistic expectations. If you're happy with a BBQ, then get some salads, meat and beers, and invite people a week or two before the weekend. Have a back up plan. Have an actual BBQ to cook on. Check the weather. Do what you can in advance to make sure it won't suck.

If you have the money, get a penthouse apartment, or big house with a pool, either permanently or for the night/weekend. Don't be a tight arse with the money, and everyone will have a good time. Don't stress over the expense while at the party if you want a good party. Set a budget, spend within it. Read up on David Frosts parties for a guide to a kickin' night.

While Lin didn't drag me away for any unbridled, or even bridled passion (which with bridles may have been even kinkier), the night was enjoyed by all. People danced, people talked, people sang, people drank and were merry. Let a photo tell the tale - Saints and Sinners theme.


Enjoy. and live a little.

Bob Dylan beats Tom Jones, eventually, at something

It's been a loooong time coming, but Tom Jones' record (No pun intended, well, maybe a little) for the longest period between number one albums has finally been smashed. After a hiatus from the heady heights of nearly forty years, Bob Dylan now claims the title, perhaps it's because he's spent most of that time being toasted out of his mind.

Personally, I'm not a massive Dylan fan, or a Tom Jones one either, although I can respect each for the incredible talents they do have. Personally I seem to enjoy Dylan when someone does a remake of his work, like Hendrix's version of "All along the Watchtower", The Animals version of "House of the rising sun", and William Shatner's version of "Mr. Tambourine man", although that last one is for all the wrong reasons.

Now, an unusual anomaly for you:
Tom Jones
Bob Dylan

Spot the similarities? They're both 3 letters, then 5 letters in their name (cvc cvcvc). Like those that structured their name on Page, Plant, the late Bonzo, and JPJ, be prepared to see a the following soon, in an attempt to sponge up the mojo, and repeat the performance of their inspiration. Should those planets align, perhaps they can be 50 years between #1s, just eat your fibre to have daily #2s. Any way, that prediction...

Tom Jones
Bob Dylan
Def Lepid

Important social arsenal

How often do you hear movie quotes used in conversation, or even in other movies (e.g. Shrek), yet some people, especially teenagers today, don't have these culturally important movies in their "yeah, seen that" list. Maybe you don't either, you social and cultural fringe dweller. How is it you haven't been beaten up my an angry mob today?.

So, if you have kids, if you are, or were a kid (clearly this excludes people who were cloned into instant adults, as happens in the movies). Here's the list you must see to bring your personal social arsenal up to a usable standard:

• Blues Brothers - the original, not the 2000 sequel crap
• The big Lebowski
  
• Hudson Hawk
• So I married an axe murderer
• Truly madly deeply
• Pulp fiction
• Monty Python - the whole range of full length films and the Hollywood bowl.
  
• Four weddings and a funeral
• Time bandits
• The last boyscout
• Casablanca
• Something with Errol Flynn in it - Just to hear an Australian accent on a knight or swashbuckler really, and he came from the same area as my mother.
  
• Wayne's World - everyone needs to know what to do at the change in Bohemian Rhapsody
• Star Wars - watched in order of release, not episode, so you understand the lame tidy up in ep3.
• Long kiss goodnight
• 5th element
• High fidelity
  
• Snatch
• 24 hour party people
  
• Lock stock and two smoking barrels
• The Godfather - at least the first one, if not all three
• Jaws
  
• and if you live in Australia, you must see The Castle
  

OK, so some of these movies contain swearing. Have those ears never been out of the house? It seems every day I hear someone swear (cuss), or maybe that's just because I live in Australia.

OK, so some have violence. Violence exists. It doesn't mean it's right, and that's something people have to be taught.

OK, so some have nudity. People, under your clothes, you too are naked. At some stage in life people have to deal with the fact that we're not born with clothes, and what we all roughly look like without them.

Basically, welcome to reality, where people swear, strike out, and are born nude. It doesn't mean it's a bad place, just that it has the full range of colours and sounds.